Will Always Be My Reason

To my babies —

There are days this world is heavy.
There are nights I cry after you’ve fallen asleep, and mornings I have to choose — all over again — to get up and fight.

But every time I do… it’s because of you.
It’s always been you.

I want you to know something, and I want you to feel it in your bones:

You have always been wanted.
Not just loved — wanted.
Not just tolerated — treasured.
Every part of you. Even the parts the world doesn’t understand yet.

You are not too much.
You are not broken.
You are not the reason things have been hard.
You are the reason I keep surviving the hard things.

These graveyard shifts.
The 24-hour stretches from Sunday morning to Monday morning.
The broken sleep, the court papers, the therapy schedules, the triggers, the tantrums, the trauma — I walk through all of it because my love for you is louder than my exhaustion.

I know I’m not perfect.
There are moments when I raise my voice, when I forget the calm tone, when I lose my grip on the grace I try so hard to hold.
But even in those moments, when everything feels chaotic —
you are still my reason.

Every form I fill out.
Every mile I drive.
Every time I walk into a room knowing I’ll have to advocate harder than anyone else in there —
I do it because I believe in you. I see you. And I’m not giving up.

One day, you’ll understand this fight.
You’ll see what it took — and maybe even the parts I tried to shield you from.
But I hope what stays with you most is this:

I never stopped choosing you.
Not for a second.
Not through the anger, not through the systems, not through the noise.

You are the heartbeat of everything I’m building.

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